You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
