Will you blow on my dice?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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