There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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