yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
