Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize