I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
