she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
