we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
