Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
