and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
