never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
