I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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