is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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