I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
