Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize