Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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