I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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