I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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