I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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