i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
