you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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