I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
