Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
