Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
