You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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