You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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