apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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