Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
