there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
