batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
