I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
