There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
