just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
