I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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