My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
