if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize