So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
