Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
