i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
