when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My ass is underappreciated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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