Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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