The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
