I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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