I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
