I wanna passion pit in your ass
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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