You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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