butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
People in love make me want to vomit
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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