my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
