Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
