hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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