Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
