just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
