he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
