Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
