Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize