You smell like stripper and shame
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
