I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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