i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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