yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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