i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
