i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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