I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They took my balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
