If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
