thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
