i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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