dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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