can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
