do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
