Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
