Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
