Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
