New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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